Intimacy in Dating

A young woman wrote asking whether she should give in to her boyfriend’s urging to be totally intimate, “because we’re going to get married someday anyway.”

My response:

Your question is an excellent one. I’ve been married more than forty wonderful years, have three adult children. We practiced restraint during our courtship and I’m so glad we did. It was wonderful to be able to give myself to my bridegroom on our wedding night and know he was my first. Most young people don’t realize how quickly things move from the first steps of intimacy – holding hands, arms around one another, to kissing, then more. The key to remember is that once you “know” someone, you can’t “unknow” them. Wherever you draw the line at intimacy in your own thoughts and prayers, hold to that. Once you cross that line, it’s nearly impossible to stop at whatever your new line is.

I remember when my brother and sister-in-law were first dating. She said to me, “We’ve had eight dates now, and he still hasn’t kissed me. I wonder what’s wrong.”

Eventually it came out that he had such high respect for her, he was afraid to push her.

I hope that’s the kind of respect you want from your friend, and from the man you eventually marry.

Hang in here. Don’t get impatient. Enjoy being together. Have fun. When God sends you the right man, you can offer yourself to him in purity – on your wedding night. You’ll have a whole lifetime together to enjoy the total intimacy you’re wanting to taste of now.

© Beverly Caruso

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